| Marriage and Family Therapists of New York |
The holidays are over. Friends and relatives have
retreated to their own homes. Quiet settles in. The
fireplace is glowing. I sit here sipping a glass of wine.
Outside, the snow is gently falling covering everything with
soft cover of white—so pristine, so beautiful. The branches
of the trees are gently sloping from the weight of the newly
fallen snow. I feel feelings of peace, contentment, and
mellowness.
Some people may feel otherwise. They may feel stressed
out from the holidays. They may have spent too much
money. They may have argued with a family member or
they may have been disappointed with a present. They
may feel exhausted and don’t know how they will get
through the long winter months ahead.
One thing is certain: Our thoughts determine our feelings.
An event occurs. At that point we have a choice as to what
meaning we will give that event. We have a choice as to
whether we define it as positive, negative or somewhere in
between—whether we will feel peaceful and contented
and/or whether we will feel the winter doldrums. If we give
the event a negative interpretation, and allow ourselves to
dwell on the negative, we certainly will feel down in the
dumps, sad, disappointed or plain out depressed. If we
define the event as more positive, and dwell on the more
positive aspects of our experiences, we will then feel more
settled, and possibly more cheerful, about the winter
months ahead.
2010 brings a new decade--A decade when we can set
goals, make plans and choose New Beginnings. Couples
can choose to enhance their relationship; siblings can opt
to get along better with less arguing; we can choose to
work together more collaboratively at the workplace.
Some Helpful Hints:
retreated to their own homes. Quiet settles in. The
fireplace is glowing. I sit here sipping a glass of wine.
Outside, the snow is gently falling covering everything with
soft cover of white—so pristine, so beautiful. The branches
of the trees are gently sloping from the weight of the newly
fallen snow. I feel feelings of peace, contentment, and
mellowness.
Some people may feel otherwise. They may feel stressed
out from the holidays. They may have spent too much
money. They may have argued with a family member or
they may have been disappointed with a present. They
may feel exhausted and don’t know how they will get
through the long winter months ahead.
One thing is certain: Our thoughts determine our feelings.
An event occurs. At that point we have a choice as to what
meaning we will give that event. We have a choice as to
whether we define it as positive, negative or somewhere in
between—whether we will feel peaceful and contented
and/or whether we will feel the winter doldrums. If we give
the event a negative interpretation, and allow ourselves to
dwell on the negative, we certainly will feel down in the
dumps, sad, disappointed or plain out depressed. If we
define the event as more positive, and dwell on the more
positive aspects of our experiences, we will then feel more
settled, and possibly more cheerful, about the winter
months ahead.
2010 brings a new decade--A decade when we can set
goals, make plans and choose New Beginnings. Couples
can choose to enhance their relationship; siblings can opt
to get along better with less arguing; we can choose to
work together more collaboratively at the workplace.
Some Helpful Hints:
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Site By: Joan D. Atwood © 2007 Marriage and Family Therapy Newsletter
Site By: Joan D. Atwood © 2007 Marriage and Family Therapy Newsletter
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Summer, 2007 Newsletter
HOW TO KEEP CALM AND TALK YOURSELF HAPPY
HOW TO KEEP CALM AND TALK YOURSELF HAPPY
| RECENT NEWSLETTERS |
Winter, 2009-2010
Continued on Next Column
Fall, 2007 Newsletter
WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN
WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR CHILDREN
Winter, 2007 Newsletter
HOLIDAY BLUES
HOLIDAY BLUES
Spring, 2008 Newsletter
WORKSHOPS AND GROUPS
WORKSHOPS AND GROUPS
| Keep and eye out for our upcoming Couples Weekend Getaway Spring 2010 |
| Winter Doldrums or New Beginnings-2010 |
Get as much rest as possible. Do not ever underestimate
the positive, healing and regenerative aspects of sleep.
Eat properly. You may have gained a few pounds from too
much eating over the holidays.
Start eating properly again—lots of vegetables, fruit,
chicken and fish. You will be healthier by pampering your
body with nutrients and you will feel better when you loose
the couple pounds you may have gained.
Start an exercise regimen. Exercise will energize you and
help you feel positive about yourself.
the positive, healing and regenerative aspects of sleep.
Eat properly. You may have gained a few pounds from too
much eating over the holidays.
Start eating properly again—lots of vegetables, fruit,
chicken and fish. You will be healthier by pampering your
body with nutrients and you will feel better when you loose
the couple pounds you may have gained.
Start an exercise regimen. Exercise will energize you and
help you feel positive about yourself.
| 1. Pamper yourself during these months. |
Positive energy is catchy and so is negative energy.
People who are positive tend to pull you up and negative
people pull you down. People who are positive motivate
you and energize you. Negative people drain you of your
energy. You can feel the positive and negative valence of
people’s energy. Use your intuitions about people’s
energy to add to your own energy, rather than drain you.
People who are positive tend to pull you up and negative
people pull you down. People who are positive motivate
you and energize you. Negative people drain you of your
energy. You can feel the positive and negative valence of
people’s energy. Use your intuitions about people’s
energy to add to your own energy, rather than drain you.
| Surround yourself with positive people. |
What would you like to accomplish in January, in February,
in March, etc? Little goals—goals that are easy to
accomplish. For example, sitting down with a good book
may relax you. When you are reading, you may also feel
content. Thus, the goal here would be to buy a book and
start reading it. The global goal is to feel more content and
relaxed. If you break down global goals into smaller, more
manageable parts, they become very doable.
in March, etc? Little goals—goals that are easy to
accomplish. For example, sitting down with a good book
may relax you. When you are reading, you may also feel
content. Thus, the goal here would be to buy a book and
start reading it. The global goal is to feel more content and
relaxed. If you break down global goals into smaller, more
manageable parts, they become very doable.
| 2. Set new goals for yourself. |
Some questions you might ask yourself: Is this relationship
giving me positive energy or is it draining me? Is this
relationship adding to my relaxation and contentment or is
it, more often than not, stressing me out? Do I feel happy in
the presence of this person or am I annoyed most of the
time?
Relationships that are negative and stressful are not
healthy physiologically or psychologically. If it is a
friendship you are examining, decide what type, if any, of
relationship you can have with the person and confine or
limit yourself to that type of relationship. A client decided
she had a friend who was draining her of energy by being
very argumentative. The client decided that while this
friend could not be a very close girlfriend, they did enjoy
going to the movies together, so that became the basis of
their interactions.
If it is a marriage or couple relationship that is stressful,
then therapy might be in order.
giving me positive energy or is it draining me? Is this
relationship adding to my relaxation and contentment or is
it, more often than not, stressing me out? Do I feel happy in
the presence of this person or am I annoyed most of the
time?
Relationships that are negative and stressful are not
healthy physiologically or psychologically. If it is a
friendship you are examining, decide what type, if any, of
relationship you can have with the person and confine or
limit yourself to that type of relationship. A client decided
she had a friend who was draining her of energy by being
very argumentative. The client decided that while this
friend could not be a very close girlfriend, they did enjoy
going to the movies together, so that became the basis of
their interactions.
If it is a marriage or couple relationship that is stressful,
then therapy might be in order.
| 3. Explore Your Relationships. |
The point of this discussion is that how we feel about
something or someone is determined by the meaning we
give to the situation or person. In addition, usually action
around a discomfort is more useful than inaction.
Complaining about something in your life is more stressful
than doing something about it.
something or someone is determined by the meaning we
give to the situation or person. In addition, usually action
around a discomfort is more useful than inaction.
Complaining about something in your life is more stressful
than doing something about it.
| It is up to you. Winter Doldrums or New Beginnings! The choice is yours. |
Fall, 2009 Newsletter
WORKSHOPS AND GROUPS
WORKSHOPS AND GROUPS
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